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When Dreams Go Bad
I didn't know what was wrong
with me until I met "him."
He always knew where to find those
little flaws that
always looked too big when he
pointed them out.
even though
when I looked at them,
they always made me a better person
in that It made me less perfect
and more normal...
but to him I wasn't good enough..
I had to be perfect
but at what costs?
And what would I get in return?
Opened doors--passionate kisses--
sweet embraces?
Is it--was it worth it?
Was it worth sacrificing
MY self-dignity for the ego
of a person who didn't really know
who or what He wanted?
Nowadays that question
never ceases to haunt me
what if it had been
different
what if I had been perfect?
Would I still be able to call him
"My" boyfriend?
"My" sweetie
"My" love?
How or where does he
get off from
feeling what I feel--
guilt, denial, love
love for the abusiveness he gave me
and yet
I wonder
if he still thinks about me
if he still
knows my number...

Judgment   |   Sophomore Vocabulary   |   I Dislike Milk   |   Funny, I Didn't Know It'd End Like This   |   Rethinking A Life Wasted   |   Pessimist   |   Briefly   |   Freshman Year   |   I'm Too Old For This   |   Disbelief is a Notion   |   Whatever You're Looking For   |   A House Isn't A Home   |   Just One More Reason   |   Guest Star   |   All Right Already   |   Damn...who's Gary?   |   When Dreams Go Bad   |   Selfish   |   I Had Nothing To Do   |   Is It Time?   |   Dammit Another One!   |   One Last Goodbye   |   Something To Think About   |   Well This Is The End   |   Case Of Mistaken Identity   |   Insomniac's Dream   |   Take Me Out To The Ballpark...   |   And You Thought That It Would Last   |   Frustration Is A Virtue   |   Altered State   |   Too Quiet To Be Healthy   |   Lies vs. Love   |   Something's Got To Give   |   I Tried   |   I'll Never Know   |   Wanting You More   |   Ruined   |   Did I Disappoint You?   |   Well   |   Insane Sanity
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